It has been some time since we last posted. Some of you may mistake this as an admission that Matt Zaffino is occasionally right. You'd be wrong. Just like Matt Zaffino. The truth is that the summer months get a little redundant. Matt Zaffino says there will be no clouds, but there are clouds. Matt Zaffino says it will be overcast, but it's sunny. Matt Zaffino says the high will be 82, but it reached 85. Matt Zaffino says the day will be pleasant, but in the Metro section some guy crashed his car into his fence while high on meth. That doesn't sound very pleasant now does it Matt Zaffino.
To put some science behind it, Molly and I made a graph to show how much Matt Zaffino was wrong. We plotted the difference between what Matt Zaffino forecasted and what the actual temperature was over the course of a month. The results were staggering. When we stepped back and looked at the plot, it spelled out "Matt Zaffino is never right". In cursive. And underlined. Twice. Okay, really we just wrote that out on a piece of graph paper and underlined it. Who has time to do all of that math and graph it out? We're pretty sure that's what it would have told us anyway.
Really the summer months turn into more of a philosophical question. If Matt Zaffino is wrong and no one reads it, is Matt Zaffino still wrong? There's no need to argue about it over a cappuccino in a coffee shop with some dirty hipster. The answer is yes, of course he is. That just saved you the headache you'd get from having to hang out with a hipster. Man, they're annoying.
So fear not. Even in these uncertain times, there are some things you can count on in life. Leaves changing in the fall. Hipsters being annoying. And Matt Zaffino being wrong.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Sun Shines on Matt Zaffino
To be fair and balanced, I'd like to point out that Matt Zaffino does occasionally get the weather right from time to time. He's an educated man who has done relatively well at holding down jobs at various television stations. He can't be wrong all the time. So here's to Matt Zaffino for correctly predicting it was going to be hot. In the valley. In July.
Now that I write it down, that forecast doesn't seem quite as amazing as it did in my head. I'm pretty sure I could have forecasted that one. I'm pretty sure that Molly did forecast that. It's July. It's been hot three weeks in a row. I wonder what the weather will be like tomorrow? I'll put down hot and hope it's close.
I'm starting to wonder if Matt Zaffino is actually on vacation. It would be hard to tell the difference. He could have mailed in a month's worth of little sunshines labeled "hot", "very hot", "warm" and random numbers between 85 and 101. He'd have about as much chance of being right as his regular predictions. But then there would be the predicament of who would write the witty insights they publish next to his head shot? It's not like you can leave that kind of responsibility to Bruce Sussman.
No, Matt Zaffino is definitely at the head of the weather desk. And he got one right. So, congratulations Matt Zaffino. You've earned it.
Now that I write it down, that forecast doesn't seem quite as amazing as it did in my head. I'm pretty sure I could have forecasted that one. I'm pretty sure that Molly did forecast that. It's July. It's been hot three weeks in a row. I wonder what the weather will be like tomorrow? I'll put down hot and hope it's close.
I'm starting to wonder if Matt Zaffino is actually on vacation. It would be hard to tell the difference. He could have mailed in a month's worth of little sunshines labeled "hot", "very hot", "warm" and random numbers between 85 and 101. He'd have about as much chance of being right as his regular predictions. But then there would be the predicament of who would write the witty insights they publish next to his head shot? It's not like you can leave that kind of responsibility to Bruce Sussman.
No, Matt Zaffino is definitely at the head of the weather desk. And he got one right. So, congratulations Matt Zaffino. You've earned it.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Matt Zaffino Incorrectly Forecasts the Apocalypse
I was shocked when I opened up the weather page this morning. The picture of today's forecast was disturbing. There was some huge funnel cloud with lighting and rain coming from it. It looked like the final scene of Ghostbusters. Could it be true? Was Matt Zaffino really predicting the world would end today? The forecast said "t-storms", but that's only because Matt Zaffino didn't know how to spell apocalypse. I'm surprised Matt Zaffino's little picture of Portland didn't show four tiny horsemen coming out of the KOIN tower.
Matt Zaffino's write up was about warm air here and cold air there. Nice work trying to fool us all with your scientific mumbo jumbo to explain the end of the world. Maybe no one told you in meteorology school, Matt Zaffino, but that degree doesn't give you the power to predict the future. Maybe all meteorology degrees come with a theology minor by default. Then there's Matt Zaffino's smiling mug. "Apocalypse today, rain tomorrow. Don't make big plans everyone. Ha ha."
Today was overcast and pleasant. No plagues or locusts anywhere. Wrong again Matt Zaffino.
Matt Zaffino's write up was about warm air here and cold air there. Nice work trying to fool us all with your scientific mumbo jumbo to explain the end of the world. Maybe no one told you in meteorology school, Matt Zaffino, but that degree doesn't give you the power to predict the future. Maybe all meteorology degrees come with a theology minor by default. Then there's Matt Zaffino's smiling mug. "Apocalypse today, rain tomorrow. Don't make big plans everyone. Ha ha."
Today was overcast and pleasant. No plagues or locusts anywhere. Wrong again Matt Zaffino.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Matt Zaffino Flunked Geography
Molly and I and the rest of the family are taking a vacation to Cabo San Lucas. We wanted to see how hot it was going to be so we turned to our "trusty" weatherman, Matt Zaffino. Under the section for Mexico, there were only 7 or 8 cities listed. Cabo San Lucas wasn't one of them. Real useful, Matt Zaffino. I guess we'll just take the weather for San Diego and the weather for Puerta Vallarta and average them. That will get us close enough.
Why would Matt Zaffino not include all of the cities in Mexico? It can't be that there isn't enough space on the weather page since he clearly had room to include all 9 of the cities in Africa and the Middle East. Could it be that Matt Zaffino is ethnocentric and thinks that all Mexican cities other than Acapulco and Puerta Vallarta are swine flu infested, drug trafficking havens not worthy of mention on his illustrious weather page? That can't be right since he includes Salem.
The answer is more simple than than. Matt Zaffino must have flunked geography. Maps can be kind of tricky to read. It's much easier to look at something with the resolution of a desk globe and determine that there must be only 8 cities in all of Mexico.
Matt Zaffino does the same thing with his own state. Why is there no Corvallis on the weather page? There are only 25,000 people who drive there every other Saturday in the fall who want to know if it's going to rain. You'd think that may be a useful city to include. It's not included because Matt Zaffino doesn't know that Corvallis is a town in Oregon. It wasn't on the map he looked at. Burns shows up, but Burns also shows up on the globe because there isn't anything else within miles of there.
Molly and I should send Matt Zaffino a link to Mapquest so he'll realize there's a whole world outside of the Storm Team Weather Room.
Why would Matt Zaffino not include all of the cities in Mexico? It can't be that there isn't enough space on the weather page since he clearly had room to include all 9 of the cities in Africa and the Middle East. Could it be that Matt Zaffino is ethnocentric and thinks that all Mexican cities other than Acapulco and Puerta Vallarta are swine flu infested, drug trafficking havens not worthy of mention on his illustrious weather page? That can't be right since he includes Salem.
The answer is more simple than than. Matt Zaffino must have flunked geography. Maps can be kind of tricky to read. It's much easier to look at something with the resolution of a desk globe and determine that there must be only 8 cities in all of Mexico.
Matt Zaffino does the same thing with his own state. Why is there no Corvallis on the weather page? There are only 25,000 people who drive there every other Saturday in the fall who want to know if it's going to rain. You'd think that may be a useful city to include. It's not included because Matt Zaffino doesn't know that Corvallis is a town in Oregon. It wasn't on the map he looked at. Burns shows up, but Burns also shows up on the globe because there isn't anything else within miles of there.
Molly and I should send Matt Zaffino a link to Mapquest so he'll realize there's a whole world outside of the Storm Team Weather Room.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Matt Zaffino Has a Big Head
The Oregonian weather page has Matt Zaffino's picture up in the corner. "I'm Matt Zaffino and I approve this weather." It wasn't always just Matt Zaffino's weather page. There used to be a picture of the Weather Team. Sure, Matt Zaffino was in the middle, but he had his trusty weather sidekicks Dave Salesky and Bruce Sussman by his side. It gave you more confidence. "I'm Matt Zaffino and while I probably won't get the weather right, maybe one of these guys will."
A while back, Molly and I noticed that the Weather Team was gone and Matt Zaffino stood alone. What could have happened? Molly's ideas we're innocent. "Maybe they moved." My thoughts immediately jumped to the more sinister. It was Matt Zaffino's big ego that pushed them out. He alone wanted to rule the Oregonian weather page. Matt Zaffino thought he was smarter than Dave Salesky and Bruce Sussman. Sure, he may have a point with Bruce Sussman, but could this really be the reason?
Then it hit us. Matt Zaffino has a big head. Not his ego, but actually a big head. In the Weather Team picture, Matt Zaffino's head was way bigger than Dave Salesky or Bruce Sussman. The Oregonian had to cut costs and they were spending too much on color ink to include everyone. They told Dave Salesky and Bruce Sussman there wasn't room for them and Matt Zaffino's head.
These are tough times. No one is safe from the economy and Matt Zaffino's big head.
A while back, Molly and I noticed that the Weather Team was gone and Matt Zaffino stood alone. What could have happened? Molly's ideas we're innocent. "Maybe they moved." My thoughts immediately jumped to the more sinister. It was Matt Zaffino's big ego that pushed them out. He alone wanted to rule the Oregonian weather page. Matt Zaffino thought he was smarter than Dave Salesky and Bruce Sussman. Sure, he may have a point with Bruce Sussman, but could this really be the reason?
Then it hit us. Matt Zaffino has a big head. Not his ego, but actually a big head. In the Weather Team picture, Matt Zaffino's head was way bigger than Dave Salesky or Bruce Sussman. The Oregonian had to cut costs and they were spending too much on color ink to include everyone. They told Dave Salesky and Bruce Sussman there wasn't room for them and Matt Zaffino's head.
These are tough times. No one is safe from the economy and Matt Zaffino's big head.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Matt Zaffino Hates Fathers Day
Molly had a great Fathers Day planned. She and her mom had made a tee time at the local golf course. Then they had a barbecue picnic planned at an area park. They planned it with some neighbors around the corner. Everything that Dad liked. Golf, barbecue, beer, and his kids. Then Molly looked at the weather page. It was going to rain on Fathers Day.
Every day for the last week, the weather page showed sunny days all week except for Fathers Day. Showers. There was Matt Zaffino in the corner. Showers on Fathers Day. Too bad. Hope your dad likes rain.
Molly and her mom doubted their plans. The neighbors didn't want to have a picnic in the rain. Molly didn't want to send her dad to golf out in the rain. So they changed their plans.
Here we are on Fathers Day. Matt Zaffino in the paper this morning was still calling for rain. "Rain today everyone. Don't enjoy Fathers Day outside with your Fathers." It was beautiful today. Sure, there was a sprinkle here and there, but not the torrential downpour that was depicted on Matt Zaffino's weather page. We had a good Fathers Day anyway. Even if Matt Zaffino made us change our plans.
As we sat out in the sun, we wondered why Matt Zaffino would say it was going to rain even though there was no rain on the way. There was only one reason we could come up with. Matt Zaffino hates Fathers Day.
Every day for the last week, the weather page showed sunny days all week except for Fathers Day. Showers. There was Matt Zaffino in the corner. Showers on Fathers Day. Too bad. Hope your dad likes rain.
Molly and her mom doubted their plans. The neighbors didn't want to have a picnic in the rain. Molly didn't want to send her dad to golf out in the rain. So they changed their plans.
Here we are on Fathers Day. Matt Zaffino in the paper this morning was still calling for rain. "Rain today everyone. Don't enjoy Fathers Day outside with your Fathers." It was beautiful today. Sure, there was a sprinkle here and there, but not the torrential downpour that was depicted on Matt Zaffino's weather page. We had a good Fathers Day anyway. Even if Matt Zaffino made us change our plans.
As we sat out in the sun, we wondered why Matt Zaffino would say it was going to rain even though there was no rain on the way. There was only one reason we could come up with. Matt Zaffino hates Fathers Day.
Matt Zaffino is Wrong
This was actually supposed to be a book.
My daughter, Molly, loves the weather page in the Oregonian. It is very colorful, has a fancy picture of the Portland skyline with the seven day forecast illustrated. She likes to read me the highs and the lows. Plastered in the upper right hand corner of the page is a picture of Matt Zaffino. He has his big smiling mug telling everyone that he knows the weather. There is usually some little factoid that he posts about the weather this time of year.
Molly noticed that some days they would say it was going to be partly sunny and other days it was going to be partly cloudy, but they used the same picture. She wondered why that was. My wife helped her send an e-mail to the Oregonian weather department. Matt Zaffino never wrote her back. We assumed that it was because Matt Zaffino didn't know.
Molly started noticing that Matt Zaffino didn't really know what he was talking about. The weather page would say it was going to be sunny and she would look outside at the rain. Matt Zaffino would say it was going to be mostly cloudy and really there was more blue sky than clouds. She put it blunt one day... Matt Zaffino is wrong.
We started noticing it more and more how wrong this guy was. And his little weather message was so smug and all-knowing. Is this guy oblivious or what? Molly asked me one day how Matt Zaffino knew what the weather was going to be. I told her about sattelite pictures and that sort of thing. She said he probably just looks it up on the internet. Molly's probably right.
After about a week of incorrect forecasts, Molly told me that we should write a book. The book would be called Matt Zaffino is Wrong. It costs money and you have to know people to get a book published. Blogs are a lot easier to get going. Here's our message to the world.
Matt Zaffino is wrong.
My daughter, Molly, loves the weather page in the Oregonian. It is very colorful, has a fancy picture of the Portland skyline with the seven day forecast illustrated. She likes to read me the highs and the lows. Plastered in the upper right hand corner of the page is a picture of Matt Zaffino. He has his big smiling mug telling everyone that he knows the weather. There is usually some little factoid that he posts about the weather this time of year.
Molly noticed that some days they would say it was going to be partly sunny and other days it was going to be partly cloudy, but they used the same picture. She wondered why that was. My wife helped her send an e-mail to the Oregonian weather department. Matt Zaffino never wrote her back. We assumed that it was because Matt Zaffino didn't know.
Molly started noticing that Matt Zaffino didn't really know what he was talking about. The weather page would say it was going to be sunny and she would look outside at the rain. Matt Zaffino would say it was going to be mostly cloudy and really there was more blue sky than clouds. She put it blunt one day... Matt Zaffino is wrong.
We started noticing it more and more how wrong this guy was. And his little weather message was so smug and all-knowing. Is this guy oblivious or what? Molly asked me one day how Matt Zaffino knew what the weather was going to be. I told her about sattelite pictures and that sort of thing. She said he probably just looks it up on the internet. Molly's probably right.
After about a week of incorrect forecasts, Molly told me that we should write a book. The book would be called Matt Zaffino is Wrong. It costs money and you have to know people to get a book published. Blogs are a lot easier to get going. Here's our message to the world.
Matt Zaffino is wrong.
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